So near yet so far...

Was reading the news abt this man who committed suicide by jumping into the Tigers Den at the zoo..Sad case. Life is so full of ups and dwns..we juz nvr noe what wld happen next in our life. Do we? I guess before he jumped in, he must be really depress cz the way he chose to die is really very painful..whatever it is...we hope his soul may rest in peace.
My mind is so full of thoughts now..deep now Im missing him so much though I get to see him daily. We are so near yet so far from each other. This feeling is torturing. Though he still sends me to work every morning (or rather I guess he didnt have a choice cz I always waited for him)..we dont even talk anymore. It just feels like a free taxi ride to work & I just hate it. I just miss those casual chats we usually have or rather..sometimes have. I miss him asking me "What time you knock off today" or "You have class tonight?"
Had an appt at LWM ytd, while Carol was getting things prepared, I was thinking if I sld sms and inform him where I am or what time I will be bk. Somehow I didnt becz I knew he probably wouldnt care. Inside the steam bath room, for the whole 10 mins, there was nothing on my mind except him. Got home at abt 9, as usual, he didnt speak to me, but before I went to bed, I still left his place empty for him hoping...but he still didnt. My heart was broken to see him slping on that bed without a proper blanky. I wanted to do something but Im so afraid if he wld turn down & even say hurtful things to me.
Sent him an sms this morning..told him I miss him & hw painful this is for me...till now, no reply. Am I putting my hopes too high? Will I be hurting myself more by trying too hard or putting my hopes too high? Its the 16th time that Im glancing at my hp, still nothing from him..

Today is a friday, am gonna try my best to be happy..I wish I can..anyway, my new boss just did something funny...at least I have something to make me laugh abt..class tonight..ok..shall proceed to do my draft to hand in tonight..for now..guess I still have to try and concerntrate on work & sch..

Just received an sms from him...reading those words just brought tears to my eyes. After reading it, I decided to ask him something that I needed to know badly..he replied immediately saying he still loves me and this family but he says he has no mood to talk abt this..

"If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't like you. If I hadn't liked you, I wouldn't love you. If I wouldn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do and I will"