Words for my Darling...

Feeling tired and bored as usual. back to work after a long weekend rest. Spent public holiday playing mj with Cisco gang, kana bao during 1 rd..haha..end up lost close to $25. Haha..After that had dinner before going home. Sometimes I ask myself, how long do I really wanna go on like that? Getting frens to spend their time with me so that I wont feel so lonely at home. Even when he is home, we dont talk and thats what it hurts most. Heard him on the phone with his frens and he could actually laugh but with me, he dun even wanna give me a 2nd look.

Laogong, do you really love me anot? Do you still want this marriage? Can you pls tell me? When I got home yesterday, you were not home either..Ashley & I waited for you till abt 1am..and when I suddenly jolt up from a dream, the room was dark, I searched for my hp and realised it was already 2am and you were still nt home. My heart is aching so badly, wondering where have you gone? Who are you with? Then I heard the door opened, I immediately pretended to sleep, you went to change and walked over to my side of the bed, my heart was beating so fast, I thought you would kiss me or hug me..I was anticipating, however, as the seconds ticked by, I opened my eyes and realised that you walked over only to get your bolster. I was devastated. I tried to get back to slp..but before I could doze off, your hp rang. Then I heard you deleting your sms-es...I couldnt help it but my tears just flowed out. I had to control myself becz I didnt dare let you know I was awake. My heart was aching so badly...I wish I could just jump off the building and end my life there...I immediately prayed and asked God for strength....A kind of strength that I needed more than anything else..
Baby...Im still counting down to thursday..a day which you have promised to come with me. I hope you will keep your word..however, a voice in me says not to have too high hope. But no matter what..I know you will try your best to keep to the promise though many promises have been broken. I hope my sincerity and tolerance will make you see one day the love I have for you. The day I said "I do" is the day Ive entrusted my life to you. Pls know that...
I know you may nvr even get to read this cz you dun even know I have a blog but then agn..this is the only way for me to feel as if I am talking to you..the only closeness I can get.

I Love You Laogong..and really hope you love me too..