God will Make a Way

After 1 whole month of agonizing wait, its great to be able to blog agn from work! Having accumulated tonnes of heartaches, its about time to explode. My heart beats every single moment in a familiar kind of rhythm, everything seems so alright on the surface but my heart seems to ache secretly. My heart aches for freedom, freedom from this world, freedom from these pain..but no matter what, Im imprisoned within all around me. Im hoping and waiting to know the truth about people, the truth about love, the truth about God, the truth which engulfed in so many lies. Having ache for so many things, the pain and suffering is just too overwhelming but somehow I know I still have the limited strength to go on.
Im beginning to feel the weight right now, feeling the pain that's becoming unbearable. How shall I explain? Erm...like poison spreading thru my tiny veins, slowly pushing me to the end of darkness..and I mean eternal darkness. At times I feel that death is welcome anytime now cz I know certainly how it would numb this pain Im feeling and it will free me from my suffering eventually breaking the chains thats holding me down..knowing that the pain Im going thru is also hurting the people around me...but yet at times, it gets so unbearable knowing that I had to live with it alone. I know death will free me from all these pain one day and that will be the day I gain my freedom, freedom from pain, freedom from life & freedom from people....but then again...am I being fair to those who care about me? Am I being fair to my babies? Will they hate me from taking away the mother's love they yearn for? Holding on till now, I know Im drawing every strength from both of them...the laughters and giggles brings at least some joy to my life...do I really wanna let this go? Ive got my answers now but will that answer change.....
Ive been repeating this hyme last night "God will make a way". It brought tears to me...I asked myself how distant I am with HIM, will he forgive me for only seeking him in times of hardship? Many a times, I felt he had forsaken me but yet I knew..he never did. For if he ever had, I would not be where I am today now but then agn, what is the message Im lacking from all these experiences? Will I ever get to see light at the end of the tunnel Lord? What is it that Ive yet to know? Lord, everyone believed that you will make a way for us when things dun seem to have a way. They said u works in every ways that we cant see and u will eventually make a way for us...Lord, pls help me. Take me out of the darkness and guide me thru. I need you..pls dun forsake me. Please be my guide and hold me closely to you side Lord.
Just recieved an sms from Nicole, its so ironic that such things always happen at the last minute and I really wonder if its a sign for me from you God. Is there a message you are silently telling me? Or issit just coincidence? Its just so weird. This is the 4th time (if I remembered correctly) that such things happened. Show me more signs Lord if this is really your works. Took me the whole weekend to make this decision, whole 2 days I felt a tinge of nervousness and fear. This morning, I never once had a moment when I felt at eased till this message from Nicole.
Why is money the devil to all problems? Why? Can someone pls enlighten me?