All these while, though going through a hell load of issues in life, I must say there are small achievements also. For the past couple of months, I was bursting with confidence and overflowing with excitement. I was convinced I'd done it, convinced that I had succeeded. Just a couple weeks back, I was feeling down at work, with so many things to manage, feeling all the stress, someone just walked up to me and said, "I know you are not feeling very good but I hope this news can cheer you up. You have been promoted." Of cz initially I didnt believe but as the conversation progress, I was filled with satisfaction & happiness. Finally for a job I had been handling for 2 years, my efforts are recognised..I was even more convinced when Andrew approached me with the same thing..That was when I believe and held on to hopes...However, today at 1605hrs, when I found out the news, I was crushed! Feeling empty and broken, but somehow I managed & I tried to pull myself together. Determined not to cry, determined to be fine..but I know Im not. Disappointment can be so freaking bitter that I feel as if I've lost my worth. Not only that...I felt I've lost my pride. Its just so humilating! But thats not what it matters now...I just feel super duperly disappointed..I wish I can hide somewhere and cry my heart out.
Oh well..just gonna take it lightly (I hope I can..). Just gonna tell myself that without disappointment, I have nowhere left to go. Hope can be amazing if Im ready to face a better future because without hope, I guess I will be forever lost. Bloody hell..cant believe I can still be in self denial! hahah...
Ps: To whoever is viewing this particular entry, pls dun ask or say anything. Im already feeling shitty..just wanna move on.. thanks :)
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