At baby's plc now, kinda nothing to do..if you are wondering where is he..well...snoring away in front of me. Finished surfing fb and now, basically nothing to do. Saw his status on fb, suddenly feel this squeezing pain in my heart. Suddenly dawn upon to me how selfish he can be. Why cant he just make me happy as what he had always promised to? How cruel can he get knowing that Im already going thru so much, cant he sacrifice for me at least for now? Why issit that I can be willing to turn a job offer down if he had said no but yet he cant do it for me? Does he really love me? Does my words weigh anything? Right now he is just lying an arm length away from me but why do I feel that he is so far away from me?? Baby feels like a stranger now to me...why?
Somehow I cant seem to be able to accept what its gonna be like when he leaves. He claim nothing much would change but Im very doubtful. Baby would probably promise me anything now in order to convince me of the move but one thing he doesnt noe...Im hurting quietly inside. We will let time show and hopefully he doesnt regret the decision he has made against my request & objection...or maybe he wont even regret....haiz...
Is loving one so deeply causing me this pain? Why does it have to be this way? I really wonder... Lately havent tried so hard to mantain this relationship. Doing all I can to make things happen Wonder if he does feel the love and the effort Ive put in. I really wonder...
Is it fair to let everyone ard me be happy and yet I have to quietly swallow the pain and unhappiness? I also wonder...can anyone put an answer to all my wonders?
For now all I can say and wish is that for the decision that he made, there shall be no regrets. I've been so u like myself for this relationship compared to the past I have...and at times I really hate the person I am right now. I hate the possessiveness, I hate the insecurity...I wasnt like that, who am I now? Why am I like that? Arrgghh..Disgusting!
Should I let loose and will I let loose? What will happen? I really wonder....
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